"Sandwich"
She had promised me 20 bucks if I helped her. I had been ambushed by this frazzled and shrill teenager, much too intrigued by her state of near hysteria to process the dollar amount or even that there was one.
I'm pretty sure at some point in her frantic telling of her teenage horror story, she also offered a dollar amount to keep the whole ordeal quiet. It was all I could do to not roll my eyes. I may have even chuckled. But she was too busy having her emotional episode to notice. Not that I really would have cared if she had noticed.
She goes through the whole narrative, looking at me like I should totally get her and have some sort of sympathetic feelings. I didn't. But I tilted my head and forced my eyebrows to furrow in what I hoped looked like concern. She seemed satisfied so I must have succeeded.
In the end, I pieced together that there was drama and her life was over. And somehow I was the key to saving the day.
Sisters are so annoying.
Not always. I mean, she and I had been best friends through our childhood. And even now we'll hang out as long as none of her friends are within several miles. But most of her life is all BFFs and boyfriends and spending hours getting ready for this, that, and the other socially vital thing.
Teenage sisters are so annoying.
I agreed to help her. It's in the big brother DNA to take care of his little sister in distress. I wasn't totally sure what exactly was causing all this distress. If anything, I needed to take care of the mess so she'd stop shrieking and begging and being all sorts of ridiculous. Hence, I agreed.
She thanked me profusely and claimed I was the best brother ever, then proceeded to tell me her detailed plan of how to get back at this guy who had flirted with another girl or something. I knew the guy. She'd been obsessed for months and my understanding was they were sorta together. As a guy, I was pretty sure her sorta-boyfriend had no idea he'd done anything wrong. And now I needed to put him in his place by jumping through hoops and playing strategic games and dancing like a ballerina.
The deal was sealed with our childhood handshake. The next day at school I was to become sudden chums with this guy and trick him into flirting with some random girl again, catching him in the atrocious act of cheat-flirting on his not-really-girlfriend. The distraught sister of mine videoing the whole ordeal.
I succeeded in making friends with the guy. He was actually quite friendly and crazy outgoing. I let the fact that I'm two years older give me an air of confidence so I didn't have to try to be cool. I was automatically cool for being a senior to his sophomore.
But seriously the guy flirted with anything that had a face. But for all the charming he did to their faces, he had equally as much crap to say behind their backs. I could only imagine what he had to say about me. And if he dared say a negative thing about my sister... By the end of the day, I'm pretty sure I hated the guy.
I gave it another couple of days, attempting to follow the sister's dastardly plan (which was really more like a daytime drama script). But I was losing my mind with this guy. Even all the charm he laid on my sister was beginning to infuriate me.
It all came to a head after school when he dared to diss my sister in a way I will never repeat. He laughed with the rest of his pals, slapping me on the back like that would somehow make what he said all fine and dandy.
It did not.
I decided my sister had enough video footage for her half-cheating sorta-boyfriend and it was time for me to change the finale.
The crunch of his nose and the subsequent sting to my knuckles was pure satisfaction. Chaos ensued in the moments following but I was all done. I spotted my sister several feet away, her phone on video, her face frozen in shock. I smiled. She blinked and smiled too.
I drove her home as she played and replayed the video. She found her voice after a couple of views and a mile or so, and jabbered on about how much he deserved it and how could she ever have wasted a single second on him and he was such a jerk and and and.
I was her hero again. The big brother hero.
She dug her wallet out of her purse and pulled out some bills. Oh that's right, she offered to pay me for my big brother services. I waved her off then pulled into my favorite sandwich shop.
I beat up her crap ex. She paid me with a sandwich. Totally worth it.
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| Big brother and his annoying little sister. |
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